EEEEEEEEEEK- Run AWAY... FAR FAR AWAY!!!

Frankly, I think Nimoy was wise to stick to his acting career. this song is BADDDDDDDDD

More Elfquest- The Confrontation

Yet another from A Wolfrider's Reflections. This is the classic confrontation between Strongbow and Winnowill. Enjoy.

Leadership lessons- Part VIII: Interdependence

Welcome to Part VIII of the series on leadership. To date, I have covered Focus, Urgency, Initiative, Competence, Communication, Politics, and Intellectual Honesty. Each of these can be found in their own discussion earlier in this blog. Today's topic is Interdependence, or the quality of being mutually dependent on each other. Interdependence can be either a great strength or a fatal weakness. If this is to be a strengthening quality of one's leadership, one must always permit the individual to strive within an environment of mutual dependence. Otherwise, the loss of the individual will more often than not become a fatal weakness- an Achilles' heel. In order to employ interdependence as a strengthening quality of leadership, the following guidelines are important:

• Whenever a distinguished leader suddenly begins to behave erratically, in a way contrary to both his past record and to the well-being of the group, there is usually a misguided rationalization for it. However, as he has served honorably in the past, it is noble to help him work through his personal crisis.


• Knowledge is power, but withholding information from those who should rightfully posess it is a personal weakness, one that others often pay a heavy price for as a result.


• It is every leader's duty to freely exchange his knowledge, not through intellectual superiority, but as a means by which one helps to resolve problems and make better decisions.


• On becoming a leader,one does not gain the authority to act independently of established rules or regulations. However, leaders should be duty-bound to abide by and uphold the policies and orders of higher command as they set the examples that others imitate.


• Every member of a group has the right and duty to make meaningful contributions to the group as a whole. However, no one has the right to use the group's resources as a means of pursuing a personal agenda.


• Extrme care should be taken to preserve the "individual" that exists in all who serve under one's leadership. Simply put, one's individualism- found in specialized abilities and knoweldge- is a key asset that contributes toward the achievement of common goals.


• A leader who asks for the assistance of others, in order to accomplish a task or to succeed in achieving his goal, is not weak, but wise. A leader who provides assistance to another is not an intruder, but a friend.


• There are times when virtually everyone will become sceptical of those in positions of higher authority. However, this scepticism neither justifies withholding information, nor does it condone taking independent action.


• Sometimes the behavior of great officers crosses over the line of propriety, and must be reigned in by a more steadfast leader.


• Everyone has the right to expect that all leaders will make good on their oath of office. In otherwords, a leader should be reliable, dependable, trustworthy, and mutually supportive of those that serve under him. The moment that a leader goes against his oath of office he loses his value to the group.

in conclusion,

• One good leader sometimes makes the difference in whether the group succeeds or fails. However, it is the cooperative, collaborative, and corroborative effort of the entire group that will be more likely to lead to success.

As an effective leader, one will never have a more satisfying assignment than when serving among others with whom there is a shared mutual dependence-or even a symbiotic relationship.

(Next: Lesson IX- Resilience)

Leadership lessons- Part VII: Intellectual Honesty

Yes, there are two videos this time (dual episode, dual example)

I have covered six of the qualities of leadership thus far: Focus, Urgency, Initiative, Competence, Communication, and Politics. Today, I will discuss Intellectual Honesty. "What is Intellectual Honesty?", you may ask. Simply put, it is one's personal code of honor. All leaders are entrusted to maintain a high standard of personal honor; therefore the following guidelines are important:

• Since humans are emotional beings, we can be drawn into doing the wrong thing by what, at the moment, seems a necessity- necessity that often proves to result from either ignorance or denial.


• Distrust is the result of many factors. Any leader who gains some ends by selfish scheming and underhanded practice my imagine that he has found the key to success, but eventually, the day comes when he is found out, and even his plausible words lose all value.


• A dishonest person is soon denied the chance to be honest because the doors of opportunity are closed to him. To be true to oneself is to be true to those who provide the keys to opportunity.


• It is easy to recognize the faults of others, but it is much more difficult for one to admit that he may be the one responsible for those faults he finds in others.


• To be held in high regard, one;s actions should not betray his words. However, it is of vital importance that one's actions not betray doing what is right for the common good.


• A leader who makes a habit of being true to himself and to others is one that can be trusted and relied upon in times of crisis. This holds true for everybody.


• For security purposes, a leader may not be able to fully disclose the nature of a task to everybody. However, no leader should ever,under any circumstances, mislead those around him as to the nature of the task.


• There may be limited time for one newly appointed to a leadership position to begin developing healthy relationships with those around him, but under no circumstances should he use whatever limited time is available to undo any potential to develop healthy relationships.


• The morale and motivation of a team is a direct refelction of how they perceive their leader's integrity toward them.

in conclusion,

• Intellectual honesty may result in one being dismissed for a time only to be recalled to duty when the success of the task at hand depends upon one who has proven his rustworthiness.

An effective leader must not only act with integrity of word and deed, but also integrity of idea and principle. This should be nothing less than any effective leader's code of honor.

(Next: Lesson VIII- Interdependence)

The Tree of Swords and Jewels

Yet another of my favorite filk songs. This one performed by Heather Alexander, in tribute to The Tree of Swords and Jewels by C.J. Cherryh. Enjoy

Leadership lessons- Part VI: Politics

So far in this series, I have covered five of the main qualities of leadership: Focus, Urgency, Initiative, Competence, and Communication. (For follow-up, please refer to the corresponding entries titled Leadership lessons- Parts I-V) This entry will cover yet another important aspect: Politics.

It is a given fact that politics are the means by which civilized people conduct their affairs. Civilized conduct also helps to smooth out occasional wrinkles that tend to surface in interpersonal relationships, and well-intentioned and functional politics are of vital importance to governing organizations and the people within. However, every person also posesses the potential to display the dark side of power and authority. Following are some guidelines to keep such disfunctional and abusive behavior under control:

• In any organization, rules of conduct create an atmosphere of decency by controlling irrational behavior.


• A leader who seeks to distinguish himself at the expense of the innocent is in fact digging two graves, as the wrongful distruction of another's reputation will soon serve to destroy one's own.


• Even the most notable leader can become so weakened by flattery that he ceases to exercise his authority properly, ceases to acknowledge that which is factual, and ceases to heed honest and constructive criticism until he gets to the point where he finds that those who once trusted him have deserted him.


• A leader who emphasizes the commonalities of those around him, and has the ability to help them understand the differences that separate them, equips them with a great deal of skill to control their own irrational behavior.


• A leader who constantly strives to find fault with others does not always succeed. However, in doing so, he causes harm to those around him and creates a distrustful environment for everyone.


• While a leader may not always be convinced to act on factual evidence, he should never allow himself to be corrupted by his own determination in order to achieve his own ends despite what is the truth.


• A person's bloodlines are bestowed upon him at birth, and are neither cause for alleged guilt nor reason for disqualifying him from any recognition. In order for humanity to improve, we must respect the rights of everyone to have an unrestrained part in our progress.


• Although a leader has every right to expect those around him to follow lawful orders, no leader has the authority to force anyone to participate in his illegal activities or abuses of power.


• A leader who respects the authority and power of his position exercises them in devotion to his duty in order to ensure the success of others


• No leader or leadership group can ever completely prevent others from sowing fear, distrust, doubt, and dissent. However, every leader should stand prepared to boldly uproot any seeds so sown by anyone else.

Finally

• Political games never end and are never resolved to the satisfaction of everyone. There is always going to be something that goes unresolved, something that goes unsaid, and always someone waiting and ready to replace those who are exposed for creating disfunction within the organization

In the end, everyone pays the price for those who would spread fear in the name of self-righeousness or who would otherwise create an atmosphere of distrust, suspicion, and fear among others. Protecting the individual rights of others is a continual price of leadership, and a price that any effective leader should be willing to pay lest he become corrupted himself. There is no success worth sacrificing anyone's individual rights and no reason why one person's corrupted ambitions should corrupt those of anyone else.

(Next: Lesson VII- Intellectual Honesty)

Reflections

Just a video I found of one of my all-time favorite filk songs, done for Elfquest: A Wolfrider's Reflections. I was feeling a bit nostalgic today, and longing for times passed, and this song came to mind (Leadership lessons- Part VI to follow shortly, so enjoy)

Cutter: Tam's Song
words & music: Julia Ecklar

"Brothers in heart, Soul-Brother, are we,
Though in blood we be no more than friends.
I value your life with all that is in me,
More than my life or its too brief end.

Earth-humbled, Skywise,
How it must hurt your heart when you look to the skies.
Together we stand in a world not our own;
Skywise from the sky, and me from my home.

For too many seasons we've lived in this sand,
With no deer and no trees to behold.
I can hear the Holt call like a maid in my dreams,
And a cry of pain howls from my soul.

Wolfbrother, let's ride
To the land of sweet greenness where out fathers died!
No Sun People we, our hearts must run free!
If I run to the sun will you still follow me?

When I finally have peace and my own family,
How can discontent stir in my mind?
Why do I want to run back to sad memories
With the wolf and my friend by my side?

My wolf-blood runs high
Every night that the moon shows her face in the sky.
This life was not meant for those made such as we.
Run away with me, Skywise, our homeland to see.

I'll not stay still too long, for this is not my home;
To a place far from here I must flee.
I know you, friend, will come to that land of our own,
To the Holt we were both loath to leave.

Soul-Brother Skywise,
Let no one tie you down in your search for the sky.
They can't tame a wolf's soul, or set soft chains on me.
Let us run from this safety and once more be free."

Long weekend- and prodigals

(note, this wasn't the video I originally chose to correspond with this post, but the original had embedding disabled (much to my disappointment)

First off, I would like to apologize for the lapse in posting of my Leadership series. This weekend an old friend was visiting from Ann Arbor, and I took some time away from blogging (typing up some of these entries takes at least an hour, sometimes more) and barely returned in time to raid last night. Then Sunday, I spent most of the day waiting for an electrician to show up, and he eventually called to reschedule for Tuesday afternoon. (Hopefully, fixing 2 outlets and installing another doesn't take more than 4 hours, so I can be online in time for Tuesday's raid night. Anyway, that's why I wasn't posting this weekend, and Part VI of the series will be posted tomorrow.

Secondly, it has come to my attention that someone has accused me of having a "vendetta" of sorts against him, and also that I hate him because, well, because "everyone else does." Let me clarify a few things here. I do NOT hate anyone. I hate actions, and I hate certain attitudes and such, but I do NOT hate the person. I try my hardest to love everyone despite the way they treat myself or others, and at times, that is a very hard thing to do. Anyone who may question this just has to ask those closest to me and they will clarify it. I do have my moments where I let my anger overtake my reason, and it's those times where people mistake my temper and exasperation for hatred (I was told by a friend once during one of my tantrums that I "have an overabundance of love in my heart, as I have shown it [to my friends], and it saddens [her] when I let my temper get the best of me" (that, Chelle, meant a lot, BTW). So, that being said, I don't hate anyone, even if they make me angry, or say things hurtful toward or about myself or those I care about. So, to the person who levelled these accusations about me, I have the following to say:

1. I do not hate you.


2. I never hated you.


3. I never once had a "vendetta" nor turned anyone against you.


4. I still love you as a Brother in Christ, despite your actions toward myself and others.


5. I continue to pray for you, that you find, and accept the help that you need, be it from a professional in the field or a trusted religious figure.


6. I do (whether you believe it or not) wish you the best, and will welcome you with open arms when the time comes.


7. I am excercising a small amount of trust and faith that you won't take anything I have written and twist it to use against myself and others, and am undoing the IP block I had imposed on you. Please do not take advantage of this gesture, as it can easily be reversed.

I will close with this: In the words of Amy Grant;

"I'll be waiting,
I may be young and old and grey,
counting the days.
But I'll be waiting,
And when I finally see you come,
I'll run to greet you.
I'll meet you."

I think that's all that needs to be said. and with that, I will close. Look forward to Leadership lessons- Part VI: Politics tomorrow.

Leadership lessons- Part V: Communication

"Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing."- Rollo May

I have received a few comments about this series of posts from those few who follow my ramblings, and thus far, they have been positive, so I will continue on today with Part V of this series (there will be four more after this one, and a possible wrap-up of the entire series.) Thanks to my readers for their support and encouragement.

Before going into today's subject, I will briefly go over the first four characteristics of leadership:

1. Focus- the ability to concentrate on the task at hand in order to complete it successfully,


2. Urgency- the ability to complete the task at hand purposefully, diligently, and with the utmost patience,


3. Initiative- The power or ability to begin or to follow through with a plan or task enrgetically and with determination, and


4. Competence- The state or quality of being adequately or well qualified to perform a given task.

Today, I will discuss communication. Communication is a key element in leadership, as without it, nothing would be accomplished. However, communication is never effective without understanding, and failed attempts at communication often lead to dangerous situations. Also, despite the varied means of communication that are at our disposal, there are certain circumstances in which the only effective means of communication is vi a face-to-face encounter. Following are a few guidelines for effective communication:

• All things considered, effective communication is the single most important element in resolving any crisis situation. Inversely, it is also the single most important factor in preventing a crisis situation from happening.


• An effective communicator doesn't always necessarily have to agree with other people. However, tolerating another's differences and diversity of opinion is important.


• The first battle of most hostile encounters almost always starts just as the communication process is ending. Inversely, the last battle ends only after communication between the opposing parties resumes.


• Silence is not always golden, but powerful messages can be conveyed without speaking a single word. Sometimes what is not spoken is more important than what is actually said.


• When one judges another solely by body language, gestures, vocal intonation, and facial expressions, it often leads to misinterpretation- not only where people of different racial or cultural backgrounds or different ideologies are concerned, but also when interacting with people from one's own culture or background who share the same ideology. Therefore, it is of extreme importance that one's non-verbal expression should not cause another to misinterpret what one is trying to say.


• When one is having difficulty in expressing his thoughts, feelings, opinions, or ideas, it is important to remain patient in order to gain understanding.


• If one person fails to listen to what another person is trying to convey, that person will often fail to properly respond to what has been said.


• If nothing else, you gain more knowledge by listening when another person has very little to say.


• Effective communication does not always end in agreement between people. This is true, as some of the most effective communications simply end with the opposing parties arriving at the reason(s) why they disagree with each other.


• Interrupting another while they are in mid-sentence is generally considered to be rude. However, sometimes doing so can be the smartest and kindest thing you can do to them at that moment.


• The use of some forms of advanced technology (ie. telephone, email, etc.) inherently separates the emotion from the communication. However, no technology is capable of removing the harmful effects of what has been improperly said.

In conclusion,

• Always remember that, no matter how a message is delivered or recieved, the way in which you communicate must permit the messages to be understood.

Effective communiction is the lubricant of effective leadership, and one can never become an effective leader without being understood, or without understanding others.

(Next: Lesson VI- Politics)

Leadership lessons- Part IV: Competence

So far, I've covered three important characteristics of leadership:

1. Focus- the ability to concentrate on the task at hand in order to complete it successfully,


2. Urgency- the ability to complete the task at hand purposefully, diligently, and with the utmost patience,

and
3. Initiative- The power or ability to begin or to follow through with a plan or task enrgetically and with determination.

Today, I will discuss he quality known as competence. An effective leader is expected to perform all aspects of his duties with complete competence and skill, and, as a result, will be held accountable for making sure that his teammates perform their duties with the same degree of competence as well. The following guidelines will help you to achieve these ends.

• Despite the degree of knowledge that one has acquired, the demonstration and proof of one's experience are required in order for that knowledge to become wisdom.


• An effective leader should constantly strive to broaden his knowledge with and through others. Also, in doing so, he should also improve and perfect his own experience through the experience of others.


• To become a master of any art or science immediately is not possible. Rather, if one wishes to excel at anything, he must first struggle with it while showing a great deal of patience until he learns its secrets.


• One person posessing devices and instruments that he cannot utilize with complete competence has little, if any advantage over another who posesses the knowledge and competence, but inferior technology and tools.


• The danger that threatens a leader's effectiveness less than anything else is the danger of knowing too much. On the other hand, it is possible to become extremely learned and still be inneffective in making use of that knowledge. Therefore, it is imperative that a leader acquire the proper knowledge to be put to use for the task at hand.


• Passive experience does not yield competence in anyone. If one is to add his experience to his skill and knowledge, it must be displayed and acted upon with conscious effort and determination in order to learn the lessons contained within.


• A portion of the power that a person wields comes with the position that he holds. Howeve, the greaest measure of his power and experience comes as a direct result of knowing his work.


• A person with full mental capacity to adapt readily to mny and varied demand and unique situations, and who also can be inventive in dealing with unexpected emergencies has a higher vlue placed on him than one whose skill is purely immitative in nature.


• One of the best ways to instill competence among one's teammates is to help them to overcome their errors and miscalculations before mistakes become habits.

Finally,

• While self-confidence is a positive attribute in any leader, it is not sufficient enough to ensure his effectiveness. In order to become effective, one must provide his team with proper instruction and experience so that they will be able to succeed.

Competence should be the top priority of anyone in a leadership position. However, always keep in mind that it is not possible to be too competent, as there is always more to learn, always others to share your knowledge nd experience with, and always others to learn from whose learning and experience is greater than yours and thus can enhance your own competence. Competence is a great force multiplier.

(Next: Lesson V- Communication)

Leadership lessons- Part III: Initiative

In this series thus far, I've covered two important characteristics of leadership:

1. Focus- the ability to concentrate on the task at hand in order to complete it successfully, and


2. Urgency- the ability to complete the task at hand purposefully, diligently, and with the utmost patience.

In this post, I will discuss yet another important quality: Initiative.
Initiative is an important quality that every leader must learn to master in order to perform routine tasks and to resolve crisis situations. It is also a quality that should be cultivated and strengthened among his team. In order to do this, the following guidelines should be followed:

• Since conditions aren't always favorable for even the most seasoned leader or team, most successful tasks rely upon those who are willing to work to overcome obstacles persistently and with unyielding perserverance.


• An effective leader is not so much the product of his time as time is what he makes of it.


• One's initiative should neither be easily distracted, haphazard, or without purpose. Initiative can only be taken once he fully comprehends the intentions of those around him or when he knows what the circumstances demand of him.


• Excessive fear of the unknown is the most limiting factor in achieving one's full potential.


• Fate does not befall a person despite his action or lack thereof, but rather the person who fails to act relies almost entirely on fate.


• The person who makes a habit of hesitating to act upon his knowledge and experience is perhaps less valuable to those around him than the person who lacks the knowledge and experience to initiate action.


• Personal initiative is not a quality that people posess in equal volume. Therefore, an effective leader must learn to stimulate, redirect, or even on occasion restrain others.


• One's ambition is directly expressed by his initiative. This ambition should be properly expressed in actions that provide for the overall good of others.


• In times when one is granted substantial freedom to act on any given situation, he should do so without violating any laws or impeding on the basic rights of others.


• The greatest difference between insignificant and exceptional achievement is often a matter of how much enthusiasm and determination was exhibited in executing one's task.


• The leader who feels the need to control every action taken by the team destroys the team's will to take the initiative when he is not present.

Finally,

• By way of understanding, the success of difficult tasks, as well as the overall progress of our people, is often a result of the actions taken by those when action was necessary, and those who acted when others would not.

(Next: Lesson IV- Competence)

Leadership lessons- Part II: Urgency

In my last entry, I dealt with Focus, the ability to concentrate on the task at hand, as well as those that may present themselves in the future. This time, the focus will be on Urgency. As a sense of urgency is a remarkable quality to posess, the following lessons regarding urgency should be considered:

• Urgency should not be interpreted as haste, as haste can often lead to failure, but as purposeful action. Such action should be deliberate and executed with as much patience as the situation permits. Deliberation is not procrastinating or delaying the action, but a careful consideration and weighing of all options available. Patience is not excessive indulgence, but dilligence. The leader who acts with a proper sense of urgency is the leader who selects the best option to maximize opportunity at the most opportune time.


• An intelligent leader leader is one who acts with a sense of urgency in any given situation. He knows what the task at hand, and he knows the its purpose. As a result, his energy is more easily focused, and not careless, haphazard, or thwarted.


• An officer with a strong sense of urgency will become the master of his circumstances and not be slave to them, and will rarely be prevented from successfully completing the task at hand.


• The most talented leader is one who has a sense of urgency in the performance of his duties, and expects the same degree of urgency in his team.


• It is rarely better to at quickly in any given situation and err than it is to procrastinate until it is too late to properly act on it, as the time when action is required for any one thing is often limited, and many errors are fatal.


• It is important to note understand that, in many difficult situations, a moment will arise when a decision is critical to successfully completing the task at hand. Oftentimes, sensing when this moment has arrived is more difficult than the decision itself.


• Acting with a sense of urgency gives a sense of satisfaction, security, and strength. Often, that which is done with proper deliberation and patience is often done with less trouble, and greater effectiveness.


• It is a fact that some tasks have limited time parameters in which to be completed, but virtually all tasks have time enough to be completed successfully if the team works together and applies itself to the best of its abilities.


• When a team acts with a sense of urgency, it first understands the task at hand, and then applies itself by doing what must be done until the best possible results are achieved.

In conclusion:

• The extent of a leader's accomplishments is dependent on his ability, opportunity, and how he applies himself to whatever tasks he is presented with. Ability and opportunity are largely static conditions, but can be modified. How he applies himself is the only one that is in his own control, and he may choose how much application will be combined with his abilities and opportunities. Furthermore, the results of how well he applies himself are what measure his accomplishments.

If one approaches whatever tasks he is presented with, however difficult to achieve, with a proper sense of urgency, he will be able to achieve success, and accomplish more, even under the most trying conditions.

(Next: Lesson III- Initiative)

Leadership lessons- Part I: Focus

A few weeks ago, I posted my thoughts on leadership, and gave my recommendation for a good book ("Make It So: Leadership Lessons from Star Trek, the Next Generation", by Wess Roberts, Ph.D, and Bill Ross). At the time, I couldn't find the book in my pile of stuff, and now that I've found it, I will start a short series on leadership. I will take the important ideas from the book, and present them as they apply.

Lesson I is Focus. I will focus on the aspect of focus (heh, I made a pun) as it is the cardinal quality of an effective leader. Without focus, the goals and aspirations of the group will never reach fruition. The following are important points.

• An effective leader must maintain a clear and unclouded vision about situations that may arise in the future. Such vision requires the leader to deal with all his priorities, but not necessarily sequentially. An effective leader must develop the ability to see and deal with the consequences of his action, or inaction, immediately.


• The degree of effectiveness of any leader is directly proportionate to the amount of focus he applies to his most important duties.


• An effective leader should cultivate and expand the full mental ability to adapt and atune himself readily to miscellaneous demands as well as new and unusual situations, and to be inventive when dealing with any crisis that may arise.Such leaders are of far greater value to othrs than they would be if their mental abilities were arrested at mere immitation.


• The demands of time and attention that are placed on a leader by those on his team increase with rank and position. However, since the leader can not be in more than one place at any given time, it is of vital importance that he be able to distinguish between that which is profitable, and that which is wasteful use of his time and proximity


• A clear and persistent goal reduces the extent of the effort needed to be effective.


• While being sidetracked from the main focus may bea result of of taking on too many responsibilities, a gifted officer will most often fail as a result of hasty or uncertain distribution of his talents.


• An effective leader can not afford to allow his team to be distracted by misdirected competition, as this inevitably leads to failure.


• When one is not precisely fitted for a job, the best way to hone and develop the skills needed to become successful at it is to concentrate on the enthusiasm and devotion required to do it


• The most guaranteed way to be selected for a higher position is to concentrate on doing one's present job thoroughly, and to the best of one's abilities.


• When a leader becomes convinced that the power of concentration leads to success, he will go to great lengths to propagate this power in his team, and will carefully and tirlessly work to prevent wanton waste of profitable effort and valuable resources.

And in conclusion:


• Concentrating on the most important aspects of one's duties gives all the secondary or mechanical operations of one's efforts the ease and expertise of habit.

If you focus your efforts on matters of the highest priorities associated with your position, you will liberate more of your own, and your team's, initiative, power, innovation, and imagination- all which are vital proponents of a successful endeavor.

(Next: Lesson II- Urgency)

just a funny video post... enjoy

Self-destroyer

Once again, I find myself influenced (out of boredom) by the music on the radio. For some reason tonight, my usual station (the Christian station WCTL) was not coming in at all very clear on my stereo- on any of its frequencies, and I tuned into the classic rock station in the area, and the Kinks' Destroyer was playing. The following lines made me think of certain comments directed at me recently (after I warned someone that he was destroying himself with his own paranoid delusions.):

"Silly boy you got so much to live for
So much to aim for, so much to try for
You blowing it all with paranoia
Youre so insecure you self-destroyer"

This person, who shall not be named, has developed a nasty pattern of turning on those who try to help him, and blaming them for his actions. He's alienated those who cared for him, and stabbed each and everyone of them in the back with his paranoid accusations, and sociopathic tendencies, and now wonders why he is alone. I have been referred to as a "stalker" because I continued to check out his blog on a semi-regular basis, despite the fact that he turned on me for no reason at all, other than his own paranoia that *I* was the one responsible for everyone else turning their backs on him. While I took it initially as an empty compliment that he believed I posessed some super power to influence others, it really made me sad that he was so far gone that he actually BELIEVED it. Hopefully, this person (who is most likely reading this entry) will wake up and get the help he needs before his paranoia does destroy him.

Who's the Fool?

“A fool may be known by six things: anger, without cause; speech, without profit; change, without progress; inquiry, without object; putting trust in a stranger; and mistaking foes for friends” This proverb came up in class discussion today, and it got me to thinking about recent events, and certain people involved. It is an interesting proverb (Arabian, I believe), and is so true in so many ways. Let's pick this apart, piece by piece:

1) Anger without cause:

OK, this is an easy one. Why be angry with anyone for no reason? Let's say someone does something contrary to the ways you think it should be done. Is it really wise to start a war over something so petty? All things considered, the other person will not be persuaded by angry words, and you'll end up coming out looking like a bigger fool than when it all started.

2) Speech without profit:

Another easy one. If nothing you have to say makes sense, is pertinent to the topic or conversation at hand, or is productive in any way, then it is all for naught, and- you got it, you become a bigger fool for speaking it in the first place.

3)Change without progress:

Simple enough- Change without progress is no change at all.

4) Inquiry without object:

laymans terms- Asking a question and not pursuing the answer. Why even ask a question when you don't want to hear the answer to it? Enough said on this one.

5) Putting trust in a stranger:

This one speaks for itself. By putting trust in a stranger, you could be putting yourself, your valuables, or others at risk.

and, Last, but not least:
6) Mistaking foes for friends:

This one ties in with #5. Knowledge is the key. Know who your friends are and who you can trust, and who to count on when you need them. If you don't, and put your trust in the wrong person, well, you're going to end up cheated, robbed, or worse yet- dead. Know your enemies.

Don't be a fool.

Delusional?

This is a divergence from my usual method of posting, but since someone saw fit to publicly blast me in his blog for standing up for what I believe in, and will likely censor what I had to say in response, my response to his delusional rantings and accusations is posted below. I apologize in advance to those I may offend by doing so, but this is the only way that I'm going to be allowed to defend myself, and those who are my friends.

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Jon, you really are a sick individual. I had figured that you'd turn around and start bashing me because I disagree with you (old habits die hard, so I've heard it said.) So let me clarify a few things for you, and this time, I will NOT be so nice.

1) You have ZERO respect for anyone, save those who kiss your ass and worship the very ground you walk on- agreeing with every word and piece of crap you spew forth from that thing that you call a mouth. The minute someone disagrees with you, you automatically twist their words and use them against you. My opinion of you had begun to change a few months ago, and my eyes were further opened this past weekend. I'm just sorry that it took me so long to see the kind of person that you REALLY are, and sorry that one of my dearest and closest friends was so drawn into your web of lies that she still believes that you are a good person. You are a sad SAD person, and you need some serious psychological help before you hurt anyone else, or yourself for that matter.

2) Do not EVER call me Davie. I absolutely HATE that name, and only those closest to me, or those I trust not to use it in a hurtful manner are permitted to use it, JOHNNIE!!! Show some respect for others feelings, especially your elders- oh wait, I forgot, you don't know the meaning of the word.

3) I take great offense to your comments about people who work with computers. First off, I am NOT stupid, in any sense of the word. Do I need to show you the degree I sweated over for two years to graduate with honors? Let me see you produce something of the equivalent. If you had ANY hopes of regaining my respect, you just killed any and all chances right there. Again, I reiterate- GET SOME HELP, NOW!

4) Forgive me for not believing a single word you say regarding being "a proponent of those being discouraged with EM to get back with those they left". I am willing to bet that, if I talked to my other friend, she would very honestly, and truthfully tell me that you have done no such thing regarding her departure. You are, and have been, nothing but a liar, and have taken every opportunity to publicly humiliate, degrade, and outright hurt the guild and those in it, so no, I do not believe it any more than I believe your self-righteuos, holier-than-thou attitude.

I believe I have said my piece, and fully expect this response to be deleted, so I will take the initiative to make sure it doesn't get censored. Have a nice life, and I hope you do TRULY find God one day.

Just random blatherings

Well, the summer term at EBC (or Erie Business Center, for those who have no clue what EBC means) is just past midterm, and the midterm grades have been released. 4.0!!! Yes, I've been working my butt off and my goal is to get at least Salutatorian (maybe even Valedictorian) when I finish this degree. I've been told it would be easier with just two classes to juggle, and it is- to some extent, but Accounting is not exactly easy. I've fretted over balancing, over and over, in each of the three tests in that class so far, and each time, it's paid off. So what if I'm the last person done taking the test each time, at least I'm the one whose grades show that I'm breaking a sweat. In the past, I gave up too easily if things were too hard, and it's stuck me with nothing but dead-end nowhere jobs for the past 20 odd years. No more. I am going to prove to myself, and everyone else that I can keep focused on my goal, and succeed. I did it once, when I received my first degree (ASB in Information Technology) this past April, but even then, I fell short of the true goal. I did graduate Magna Cum Laude, but it wasn't good enough. I kept thinking to myself, that I should have tried harder. This time around, I WILL achieve top honors of Summa Cum Laude, and make my family and friends proud.

Of course, all the work and sweat comes with its problems as well. Stress, and with the stress, the headaches have become more prevalent again. Last night, for the first time since November, my old friend, Mr. Migraine, came to visit me. I started off the evening feeling great, and then ventured off into the lands of Azeroth to defeat evil with my guildmates and friends. The raid started off a bit rocky, and got off to a very late start because a lot of people were either late, or just didn't show up for various reasons (well, old Squeegie (aka Enok) had sick kids to deal with, so his reason was excusable, and he was missed a GREAT deal. The raid finally got moving, with Therigwin as main tank, and Careiel (who has developed into a very promising tank- I love it when people ask for advice and actually listen) and myself as the offtanks. The healing was a bit off as two of our top healers, Schaikera and Syyiand, weren't there, and most of the healers either hadn't done Naxx, or were just getting used to it. We cleared the Insect wing with minimal wipes, and got past both Noth the Plaguebringer" and Heigan the Unclean" before we were defeated by Loatheb (this was mainly because people either weren't paying attention to the spores, and they were getting broken too close to Careiel (who was main-tanking the boss) or were paying too much attention to how other people were playing, and not what they were doing. This, as I believe I have stated before, has become one of my BIGGEST pet peeves in the game. One person, who shall not be named, was constantly giving "suggestions" (both in raid chat and in private whispers) and telling the tanks how to do their job. This person was neither a raid leader, or class (tank or death knight) lead, nor was he a tank, and thus had no real business saying anything. I was told to ignore him, but I really shouldn't have to ignore anybody in a raid, because communication within the group is essantial. Needless to say, this person's constant harrassment (as this is truly what it was) finally caused me to boil over, and the migraine was full blown to the point I just followed the lead of one of the healers who had had it at that point and dropped the raid. I let everyone know what was going on, and logged for the night. I'm seriously considering keeping away from the raids for a while until things are "fixed".

Anyway, for me, it is now the weekend. Both Schaikera and Enok are going to be in town visiting Shaloria and myself this weekend, and I look forward to some good old stress relieving fun and mayhem (as usually happens when the four of us are allowed to get together.) Weekend fun, here we come!

Posts hitting home

Most times, I post about stuff that just hits me and I feel compelled to blog about. Recently, my last post Fear The AoD!!!: Imitation and Charades had inspired someone to "come clean" about things that were going on in his life, as he felt somehow, my post was directed at him. It wasn't my intention to force confessions from anyone, but the resulting confession of my friend led me to respect him even more for doing something that I, myself, would have a very difficult time doing (hence my own skeletons remaining locked in their respective closets) and we had a nice little talk after the fact. My friend left himself open to critisism, of which he will have my support if it ever comes to that, and my prayers as he is struggling with a lot of the inner demons that I myself face on a daily basis.

As to the REAL inspiration behind that post, I was in the car on my way to class the other day, and the song "Show Me the Way" by the band STYX was playing on the radio. For those of you not familiar with the band, or the song, it was released in 1991, and reflected upon one individual's disillusionment with the opening line "Every night I say a prayer in the hopes that there's a Heaven." That song, and a subsequent selection played a few minutes later, Poison's "Something to Believe In" and it's opening lines "Well I see him on the TV preachin' 'bout the promised land. He tells me to believe in Jesus and steals the money from my hand. Some say he was a good man, but Lord I think he sinned..." (Their video portrayed the Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, I believe) prompted me to post something. Yes, I myself have been disillusioned with organized religion for a long time. It started as a slow decline while I was in college, and took a major nosedive around 1992, when the blind girl I was dating, a "devout christian", suddenly started seeing someone else, and falsely accused me of raping her when she got pregnant by the other guy. I was devastated, and feeling rather suicidal at that point (I had done everything for this person, and devoted my life up until that point to giving her what she needed-only to be stabbed in the back by her, so yea, I really didn't feel like living at that point). As I stated, I was rather distraught, and suicidal, so I committed myself to the psychiatric ward of the local hospital, where I stayed for three weeks until they felt I was no longer a threat to myself. During my stay there, I had received calls from friends and the Edinboro, PA police chief telling me that the girls father was on the warpath, and threatening to kill this "beast that defiled his 'innocent little girl'". Needless to say, I had to watch my back upon my return home, and never went anywhere unless I had a friend or two with me for at least a couple of months after that. I turned to the people at my church for help and guidance, only to find that most of those who had known me for YEARS would not speak to me, as they had been poisoned by the lies being told by the girl. My life, and my faith shattered, I turned from God (not enough to be completely convicted) and I turned to other things to solve my problems. I began to drink regularly, and at times, heavily. I still recall a few things that happened while under my drunken stupors, that make me shudder to this day:

While drinking with friends out on a rooftop, one night, I got up to go inside and relieve my bladder, and almost walked off the roof.

Another night, I was walking back from a "drinking party" with my friend, Bill, and I stopped on a bridge and told him flat out "I don't want to live anymore, I wonder if I jumped now, if I would drown quickly or slowly, or even feel anything." I know I scared him, and it was one of the few times I saw him, a person that doesn't show emotion very often, cry. Bill pulled me down off the guardrail, and walked me the rest of the way home.

I know that there are probably other incidents that I was too drunk to remember, but those two in particular stick out in my mind, and looking back on it all, I know that God was watching over me, despite my own belief that he didn't give a damn about my life. If it weren't for God, and Bill, as well as other friends, I know that I would not be here today to tell about it. With that being said, the aforementioned post was directed at my own inner conflicts with religion, and religious leaders more than anything.


Show Me The Way-Styx
"Every night I say a prayer in the hopes that theres a heaven,
And every day I'm more confused as the saints turn into sinners.
All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay,
And I feel this empty place inside, so afraid that I've lost my faith.

Show me the way, show me the way.
Take me tonight to the river
And wash my illusions away,
And show me the way.

And as I slowly drift to sleep, for a moment dreams are sacred.
I close my eyes and know there's peace in a world so filled with hatred,
That I wake up each morning and turn on the news to find we've so far to go,
And I keep on hoping for a sign, so afraid that I just wont know.

Show me the way, show me the way.
Take me tonight to the mountain
And take my confusion away,
And show me the way.

And if I see Your light, should I believe?
Tell me how will I know?

Show me the way, show me the way.
Take me tonight to the river
And wash my illusions away.
Show me the way, show me the way.
Give me the strength and the courage
To believe that I'll get there someday,
And please show me the way

And every night I say a prayer in the hope that theres a heaven..."