Recently, I parted ways with my old guild in World of Warcraft. It was not a friendly parting of ways due to major differences of opinion that neither side wished to concede or come to agreement on, hurtful things being said and done by both sides, etc. You get the picture. I'm not saying I am not at fault for a lot of it, because I have a tendency to make a decision on something and stick to my guns defending my point of view. I had seen a lot of problems, and made the "mistake" of speaking out about it. This led to an immediate and hostile verbal thrashing which was lacking in self-control from one of those in charge. In an attempt to prevent drawing everyone else into the argument, I took the initiative to move the conversation to a more private forum, and presented my defense. I was called many things from "Liar" to "untrustworthy" and made to feel guilty about my own personal choice to put my education first before gaming (whether this was the intention or not, this is how it came across.) There was also a major miscommunication regarding a close personal friend, which (after much heated argument on both sides) was settled as just that, a miscommunication (though, personally, I still have problems believing the other side of the story as presented after the fact due to various factors that I won't go into here.)
Another part of the much heated debate was my recent transfer of my main character, Llaihr, to a different server with a Faction/race change to Horde/Blood Elf (hence the slight title change and icon change on this blog). To set the record straight, the transfer was done so I could play the game with a friend that I hadn't seen in over 20 years and had just recently reconnected with online. I hadn't been enjoying playing my DK for a while, and had fallen out of the loop due in part to concentrating more on my studies, and almost constant back pain that kept me from playing the game for long periods of time when I had the time to play. While I enjoyed raiding, the added stress caused by ever-increasing expectations imposed by those running the raids, and the fact that raiding required prolonged periods of time sitting at the computer, which was hard on my back (I could not get up and stretch or walk around if it got to be bad enough), so I withdrew the commitment to raid (this was stated at least 2 months prior to the transfer, when I stopped raiding on a regular basis.) The invitation from my friend provided the opportunity to both enjoy the game with someone of like mind (he's more of a "lone wolf" type just like myself) and to enjoy playing my main character in a more relaxed environment. I still don't get on as much as I'd like to due to the back problems, but at least when I do play, I am free to get up and move around if I need to without worrying about ruining someone else's game for making them wait.
Anyway, things have calmed down (for now). I still remain friends with a few people in the guild, others who got to know me personally and "claimed" to be friends I am not so sure about (IMHO, a true friend will listen to both sides of the story before making a decision, and will not alienate one friend in favor of another~ but again, that's what I was taught, and thus, just an opinion.)
Looking back on it all, there are a few questions. Maybe a few regrets.
Could things have been handled differently? Yes, on both sides of the issue.
Am I sorry for what happened? I am sorry for the way things happened, but not sorry for sticking up for what I believed in. If given the chance to go back and change it all, I would still stick to my guns. There are things wrong, but as a friend told me, "you can't shine a light into the darkness and expect the blind to see." If the other party does not see the problem, or just ignores the possibility that a problem could exist, then pointing out where there is or may be a problem is pointless. I guess I still have a few things to learn yet.
When asked if I harbor any ill will toward anyone, the answer is no. I am hurt, I am still somewhat angry, and I don't wish to have anything to do with them for a while, but I am a forgiving person. I hold no grudges (it's not worth it). Someday, I will allow myself to forget that it happened, as the wounds are allowed to heal, and will accept whatever friendship is offered, but for now, I turn my back and walk away.
It's that time of year again where we take inventory of our lives and give thanks for the things we do have instead of complaining about the things we don't have. This year has been a particularly hard year for many, financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, but yet we survive to continue on. The fact that I have survived another year is enough for me to be thankful. Other things I am thankful for are as follows:
